night

my night

cloudy

no moon

no wolf

alone

kids busy

I distracted

hot

despondent

waiting for

something?

i'm a freak

i'm a loser baby

what the hell

am I doing here

I don't belong here

so why don't you kill me

no but really

all I need is

to go outside

[to be continued]

still hot

wondering

what Avatar

I fabricated

and how

and when

and why

and what

it looks like

sounds like

feels like

acts like

because

I've always tried

to be authentic

repudiating all Masks

preferring to just

be Invisible

I don't understand

[maybe to be continued]

my mind

spread out

like a map

I do what I can

to exist

out of my own head

did you see that?

it looks

like a man

but really

really

it's just a [word from a forgotten language which has no equivalent in English or French]

even after all these years

there's still someone

who sees me

and watches over me;

maybe I've been doing

some things right

after all

maybe if I turn

myself inside out

I'll see

that really

really

I'm not

so bad

after all

I mean

I must be

worth something

if I can provide

something

to him (B.)

and him (M.)

and him (F.)

and her (Ma.)

and them (X. C. K. W.)

and her (G.)

and you (A.)...

why

why

why

can't I

just accept

the fact

that I am 

not a failure

not a hack

not an amateur

not a nutjob

not doomed

not cursed

not ugly

not stupid

not pointless

not empty

not a waste

of time

of space

of breath?

they sure did a job on me

[unsure as to whether or not this will be continued]

my eyes closing

listening to the Body's

demands

this is

what I manage

to put together:

something

overwhelming

is always

pushing me around

so I might as well

enjoy it.