Another dream-revelation, this one having to do with my alienation (real and perceived).
In it, I was some kind of adult Asperger/autistic/schizoid misfit, finding myself in multiple situations (in a semi-professional context) where I was faced with mutual misunderstandings of various kinds. Following me around was an invisible intermediary of sorts which only I could see, which would sometimes offer me advice as to how to deal with a particular conflict or social dead-end. Mostly he told me to quit my elaborate elucubrations which were infuriating everybody, to keep it simple and to say: “I’m sorry but I don’t understand what’s going on or what’s expected of me.”
Then I would was away from work, enjoying my solitary leisure time. Going to the pool every day, I would meet the same girl every day, so (not knowing any better) I approached her and said something like:
“Almost every day for a few months now, crossing your path at the same spot around the same time, and every time you’re a vision to me. I have a little bit of a crush on you. I wonder if maybe we could be friends?”
Very seriously she answered that it was impossible, and then walked away giggling with her friends. Somewhat dejected, I went on with my planned swim, concentrating on holding my breath for as long as possible under water. At some point I noticed that the pool was now filled with dozens of little baby platypuses doing an elaborate and synchronized underwater dance. For a few minutes I forgot everything and was amazed at being in this special swimming pool where humans can bond with animals in such a harmonious fashion (although no doubt it was all in my mind and only I could see the wondrous spectacle).
That’s pretty much all I remember, but it seems to sum up so much of my existence…
Excluded from the not-so-secret Society of Normality since forever-ago, alienated from its foreign-to-me code-words, brandings, rituals, expectations, obligations, opinions (and desperate need of opinions). Having internal scenarios and conversations as a way to process life as I experience it. Systematically falling for faraway beauties which I have no chance of ever getting close to (because although I am simplistically honest, that doesn't mean it's possible or even desirable to establish any kind of proximity with me). All of this leading to a tightening cycle of self-exclusion. Living for chance moments of solitary wonder and enjoyment, always too short, almost exclusively relying on imagination, like a mere little supplement to adorn the main fabric of my societal existence which is toil, incomprehension, constantly striving to please others but always resulting in irritation and/or disappointment for all parties involved.
In it, I was some kind of adult Asperger/autistic/schizoid misfit, finding myself in multiple situations (in a semi-professional context) where I was faced with mutual misunderstandings of various kinds. Following me around was an invisible intermediary of sorts which only I could see, which would sometimes offer me advice as to how to deal with a particular conflict or social dead-end. Mostly he told me to quit my elaborate elucubrations which were infuriating everybody, to keep it simple and to say: “I’m sorry but I don’t understand what’s going on or what’s expected of me.”
Then I would was away from work, enjoying my solitary leisure time. Going to the pool every day, I would meet the same girl every day, so (not knowing any better) I approached her and said something like:
“Almost every day for a few months now, crossing your path at the same spot around the same time, and every time you’re a vision to me. I have a little bit of a crush on you. I wonder if maybe we could be friends?”
Very seriously she answered that it was impossible, and then walked away giggling with her friends. Somewhat dejected, I went on with my planned swim, concentrating on holding my breath for as long as possible under water. At some point I noticed that the pool was now filled with dozens of little baby platypuses doing an elaborate and synchronized underwater dance. For a few minutes I forgot everything and was amazed at being in this special swimming pool where humans can bond with animals in such a harmonious fashion (although no doubt it was all in my mind and only I could see the wondrous spectacle).
That’s pretty much all I remember, but it seems to sum up so much of my existence…
Excluded from the not-so-secret Society of Normality since forever-ago, alienated from its foreign-to-me code-words, brandings, rituals, expectations, obligations, opinions (and desperate need of opinions). Having internal scenarios and conversations as a way to process life as I experience it. Systematically falling for faraway beauties which I have no chance of ever getting close to (because although I am simplistically honest, that doesn't mean it's possible or even desirable to establish any kind of proximity with me). All of this leading to a tightening cycle of self-exclusion. Living for chance moments of solitary wonder and enjoyment, always too short, almost exclusively relying on imagination, like a mere little supplement to adorn the main fabric of my societal existence which is toil, incomprehension, constantly striving to please others but always resulting in irritation and/or disappointment for all parties involved.
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