In this momentous ALL perceived as the present moment I hear you but almost not over the beat of this celestial body in my chest…

Frantic, insisting, anxious, joyous, metronomic beast, it keeps everything going, propels and rushes, freezes then starts, gathers its strength and then leaps.

Imperious, it commands me, demands my attention, then pushes its willful emanations out of me:

I will not accept
that I was wrong
all these months
lying to myself
or misunderstanding
no
I wasn’t
you weren’t either
it was Real
it was True
which means it still is.

As it was said:
pain is inevitable
but it’s all worth it.

I haven’t given up
and hope you haven’t either.

I still believe
in everything I’ve said
all the things I’ve thought
and all that I’ve felt.

Namely:
that I am grateful;
that I recognize
how amazing
how precious
the situation is;
that I want to build on this;
that it is
most meaningful to me
and as such
I confer upon it
all the accoutrements
of Sacredness;
that my heart is growing
(sometimes out of control)
with no clear trajectory
or destination
but that this is
how it should be;
that I am open
to everything
and accept
that it might change
or stop or die or evolve or grow or…
BLOOM.

In this Season
of confirmed Solitude
wherein was proved
the painstaking unraveling
--- utter and consummate ---
of my societal Self,
the essence of You
permeates
the core of Me
even now
despite the Absence
of your Presence;
you will live in me
until the end
no matter
what happens.